i have so many ideas and projects in my backlog. there are so many things that i know i

could make, or things i started to make but never ended up finishing them. i never take

risks or start anything big, even when i know that i can do it. every time im outside my

comfort zone, i just start at what im doing until i either give up or snap out of it

(usually i just give up)

everytime i draw, i draw the same thing but just a little different. its always just my

character standing there, maybe with a different facial expression or prop. even my

character himself is basic. his hair looks ugly, yet i continue to use that hairstyle on

him simply because it is easy to draw.

i wish i could choose not to be like this. i would like to go a week or something without

ANYTHiNG. no random web surfing, no social media, no youtube, no mobile games, nothing.

the only entertainment i would have is working on my hobbies.

i need to stop giving up so soon. why am i even like this? i know theres the assburgers,

but what else could be causing this? have i ever even completed a large project for

antyhing other than school? have i even completed a large project for school? i could

argue that my website is a large project, but in reality its more of a collection of

smaller projects. there is no end to the work done on my site; i can keep adding onto it

or edit pages that already exist. ive never experimented with things like frameworks or

other tech. the only times i learn new things is when looking at other sites and how they

made an effect.

would it hurt me to do something new? would i die if i tried writing a short fiction

story? what if i tried animating? what if i tried to come up with a new character or make

my own original universe?

why am i afraid of failure? why am i afraid at bring cringe? why am i so toxic? when can i

better, and how can i get better?